Certified Intimacy Educator & Sex Coach, Stella Harris, at wweek.com answers a question from someone who says he feels nothing when having sex, also saying, “I’ve found that in a meaningful relationship, or a casual one, when I have sex I feel nothing. Almost empty. ”

Among other potential causes, Harris answers him, “Perhaps the most important question to ask yourself is whether you’d like to be having sex.” Adding, “all of the experts I reached out to on this topic addressed the possibility of asexuality.”

She continues, “If sex play is something you decide to continue exploring, start with a broader definition of sex. Keep penetration off the table for a while and find other things that feel good. Start by exploring your own body, and if there’s a partner in the mix take a step back and discover other ways to experience intimacy and pleasure, maybe sticking with snuggling or massage until you can answer some of these questions for yourself.

See her entire advice column at Willamette Week