“Ask Anna” is a sex column from chicagotribune.com. Because of the nature of the topic, some columns contain language some readers may find graphic.

When asked by a reader recently where she could find a woman who is into strap-on play sex where she lives (in a rural area), Anna replied that asking a stranger to meet your sexual needs is a big ask, and it requires a lot more finesse and patience than most people are willing to give it, “And the longer, more boring takeaway is: Play the long game”, Anna said.

“Some women will be undoubtedly interested in exploring strap-on play with you, even if they’ve never tried it before, AFTER they learn who you are and determine they can trust you enough to be somewhat vulnerable with you”.

Anna told her not to search specifically for “girls into strap-on play”, but instead to seek out women she might “click with” and who are open minded, then find out where your desires and their desires converge.

Sex is vulnerability, good sex is anyway, Anna said. With it comes the risk of rejection, judgment, humiliation and, yes, pleasure.

 Chicago Tribune