4 tips for couples to help save your sex life

Sex educator and author says that although romance novels, porn, role play and lingerie are all great ways to spice up your sex life, they usually aren’t enough.

Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. and New York Times award-winning author, recently told the Better section of nbcnews.com that no matter how much you’re trying to pump the sexual accelerator, chronic stress from daily routines like work, childcare, and less sleep can put the brakes on your sex drive.

“Stress is a survival mechanism to help you when your body is sending you signals that say you are not safe right now,” Nagoski said, “and if you’re not safe right now, is that a good moment to be having sex?”

Here are four techniques Nagoski suggested that couples can do to help get their sex lives revved up again:

Schedule Time For Sex

Nagoski said that Couples who stay in long-term, happy relationships usually prioritize sex, and even put it on their calendars. So instead of thinking that scheduling your sex time is not very romantic, Nagoski asks, “..is there anything we do in our lives that’s important to us that we don’t schedule?”

Don’t “Chase” After Sex

Sometimes when one partner wants sex, the other just isn’t in the mood. But Nagoski says sex it isn’t about a desire for pleasure, it’s about a need for intimacy. So if your sex partner isn’t interested when you are, chances are they are really just too stressed out or exhausted.

So if your relationship lacks sex, the worst thing you can do is to chase it. Chasing after sex will probably only just increase their stress.

Don’t Focus So Much On Sex

Don’t make sex the goal, focus on building intimacy. Try to agree that you and your partner will go without having sex for a certain period. When the pressure for sex is off you’ll have space to be more intimate in other ways, like cuddling and kissing, which can reduce your stress levels and get you both in the mood to having sex again.

Considering Visiting A Sex Therapist

Nagoski said while that couples who have a strong friendship should be able to more easily do these exercises to rebuild their intimacy, some couples can find it more difficult, “My first recommendation is always to find a sex therapist, because we are all so tender and sensitive around sexuality, and it can be difficult to talk with each other about it in a way that is never blaming and never hurtful.”

Emily Nagosky’s mission in life is to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies.

12 sex games to spice up long winter nights

  1. Forget bingeing on box sets! Tracey Cox reveals 12 must-try sex games to spice up long winter nights  

    From making obscene phone calls to playing a sexy board game, relationship expert Tracey Cox lists 12 sex games to get you through the cold winter months.

    1) Make obscene phone calls – Cox advises one partner to make an obscene phone call to the other, like asking “What are you wearing?”.

    2) Dressing for sex – Suggest wearing something sexy when you go out, like a sexy bra, to remind you of the great sex you have have when you get home

    3) Tell a sexy story – Write down an erotic story (based on you and your partner), going into as much detail as possible, and leave it where the other can find it.

    4) Record yourselves having sex – Then play it back when you’re somewhere you can’t fool around

    5) Flash – Turn out the lights and light up one area of your own body with a flaslight. “Each lit body part must be touched, stroked and/or licked for two minutes, then the torch gets passed onto the next person.”

    6) Play dress up – Nurse outfits, cat suits, french maid – wear any role-playing outfits to push you out of your comfort zones.

    7) Fantasy dice – Write down and number six fantasies, when the dice lands on a number, they have to complete the corresponding fantasy.

    8) Be a sex therapist – Call from a separate room and act as a sex therapist, giving sex advice on how to pleasure his or her partner.

    9) No hands – Tie your partner’s hands together and ask him or her to seduce you.

    10) Play guinea pig – Line up all your sex toys for when your partner gets home, then try them out out and have him/her rate them.

    11) Play a board game – choose games that list sex activities you must perform on your partner.

    12) Play with food – Smear it, drip it, lick it.

    Daily Mail